JT comes to us from Myspace.com where he talks about how he’s listened to all episodes of our podcast over 100 times. JT says that if he could be the president of our fan club that he would be willing to relocate to Dustbury, OK; so he could spend every free minute helping edit the podcasts to our satisfaction. He works at PetSmart as a cat groomer and is pretty sure he can get a job at the Dustbury PetSmart. He claims to love Harleys and has numerous pictures of them.
Well, we have had an email from Simbo (photo above) who is associated with the Hoboken Historical Museum in Hoboken, NJ. He wrote to say, “I think you girls are the funniest part of my day. Each morning after my morning run of 5.6 miles, I check my Itunes to see if there’s another episode of the Ugly Girls Club.”
Simbo goes on to write, “I would love to be considered for the presidency of the Ugly Girls’ Club; however, I am pretty busy with my full time association with the Hoboken Historical Museum. I would like to invite the UGC to come to Hoboken to podcast live from th Heirloon Tomato Testing Festival on Sunday, August 27th from 1:00 to 5:00 p.m. Perhaps we can discuss then the full responsibilities of being the president. Until then, happy trails to you!” Simbo
Welcome to the Ugly Girls’ Club hosted by Dr. Jan and Betsy! This is episode #006, The Quickie Episode
In this podcast, tune in to hear Betsy and Dr. Jan discussing…
1) The Big Fight. The girls demonstrate the rare disagreeable moment.
2) Left Behind. Pat has left for a conference in Florida, and Dr. Jan is in charge. It’s not looking pretty.
3) Naomi. Dr. Jan’s sister does not wish to be referred to by her real name in the podcast… even though the entire podcast is fictional, Naomi does not wish to be associated with fame. Naomi was actually sister’s godmother.
4) God, Mother. Betsy is at her mother’s house in Bolivar, and they are wearing each other slick.
5) Fighting mad. Lots of folks want to take Betsy down, she details all the problems with getting along with everyone.
6) The new neighbor. Oh look a chicken (the girls’ running joke about their shared attention deficit disorder issues)! Dr. Jan gets to meet her new neighbor while she is observing Ugly Girls’ Club Saturday.
7) Cash Cab. Betsy and Dr. Jan talk about a Discovery Channel show that they find funny and intriguing.
8) Jokes. Betsy tells the Diesel Fitter Joke. Once again, she has to explain the joke; Dr. Jan is so slow on the uptake. Betsy dozes off while Dr. Jan tells a Clinton/Bush joke.
Well, Betsy had enough of Dr. Jan moaning about needing a producer; so she has entered into contractual negotiations with Oscar award winning producer/actor Michael Douglas to begin producing the UGC immediately.
The girls have agreed to provide Mr. Douglas 25% of their gross profits from their extremely successful and internationally famous podcast for his services.
We’ll keep our fans updated.
Now Taking Applications: President of the Ugly Girls’ Fanclub; apply by email to TheUglyGirlsClub@aol.com.
Betsy and I miss Christi. Two years ago she left Dustbury to explore the world of education in Las Vegas, NV. In the fifth podcast of UGC, Betsy and Dr. Jan talk to Christi and laugh their way through the entire episode (you will too!). This is a don’t miss episode! You’ll be telling your friends the thong story.
Do you have a good wardrobe misfire story? Tell us about it at theuglygirlsclub@aol.com; and you might be selected to tell us your story in one of our next podcasts.
Here’s a picture of Christi and Dr. Jan on the occasion of her goodbye party when she left for Vegas over two years ago. Betsy wasn’t there because she was in… can you guess? Bolivar.
In this podcast, tune in to hear Betsy and Dr. Jan discussing…
1) Today’s exciting podcast. The girls talk about interviewing their friend Christi who left Dustbury, OK two years ago to move to Las Vegas, NV.
2) The conference call. Dr. Jan reveals her technical inability and tries to get Christi on the phone. It’s not Dr. Jan’s fault they are late.
3) Technical difficulties. The girls have made about 15 podcasts but only managed to produce three episodes. They think part of the problem might be with Black Box Wine. Christi is advised that chances are the podcast might not be recorded.
4) The weight of the world. Dr. Jan tells Christi that the future of the podcast depends on how funny she is.
5) The Brazilian Wax job. Christi tells about her wax job and the subsequent problems.
6) The talk over. The girls acknowledge their problem with talking over each other. The girls reveal their ages: Christi (40), Betsy (44), Dr. Jan (40-12)
7) Their new resume. Dr. Jan’s has updated her resume to include her latest roll as a Podcast Network Star.
8) The Christi story. The girls reveal the story of their friendship and the club they started, The Good Ole Girls… the GOGS (bless Elvis).
9) The thong story. Christi tells her infamous thong story; she reveals that she has NEVER talked on the phone while in the bathroom. The world’s worst wedgie!
10) Mary Helen Stevens. Betsy tells the story of how Mary Helen met Tom Hanks with the sign ICUP.
11) The ability to edit. Dr. Jan talks about how powerful she feels to be the one to decide what goes in a podcast.
12) Recovering from a wax job. The girls talk about the pain of growing back in after a Brazilian wax job.
13) The new story. Christi tells her newest wardrobe malfunction problem. Poor Antwoin.
14) Janet Jackson. Christi reveals that she is, in fact, Janet Jackson talks about her wardrobe malfunction with Justin Timberlake.
15) JoBeth’s bed. Betsy has ruptured her disk from sleeping on JoBeth’s 160 year old bed that feels like she’s on a camel’s back. Christi and Betsy conclude that their mother’s guest beds can be called “The Rack” which is worse than a Tibetan monk’s digs.
16) The five hour edit. The girls discuss how they produce the podcast in 30 minutes and then Dr. Jan has to take 5 hours to edit (if the podcast even records) it.
17) The Deagan xylophone. They discuss how Dr. Jan (and now Betsy) too begin their morning school announcements with the xylophone. They have now added a rooster call.
18) Happy Trails to You… when WILL they learn how to sing this???
In this podcast, tune in to hear Betsy and Dr. Jan discussing…
Please excuse any technical difficulties with this podcast… Dr. Jan is totally lame…. And now back to your regular programming:
1) The truck. Betsy has no unfettered time; she has to escape to her parents’ barn in her truck in Bolivar, Missouri to record their podcast. Dr. Jan has to talk her out of her rigged up microphone.
2) Not coming home. Betsy advises that she will not be coming home for three more weeks. Pat’s going to Florida on his cane to participate in the High Schools That Work Conference.
3) Taps. Dr. Jan plays her Deagan xylophone version of Taps.
4) Hottern Hell. Dustbury is over 100 degrees, and everyone’s trying to cope. Betsy’s dad gets the air conditioning fixed in Bolivar.
5) Tom Brocaw. Dr. Jan refers to Brocaw’s recent broadcast on global warming. She advises that everyone should get nekkid. Betsy discusses the implications of wearing her bikini in Bolivar.
6) Mad Eddie. Dr. Jan relates her latest escapade with their esteemed superintendent. It’s not pretty.
7) Zillow. Com. Chaz Hill has told the girls about this great web site to ascertain their home value.
8) Effing charm. The girls ponder what they will do when Mad Eddie finds out about the podcast and consider future careers.
9) Hemingway. The running of the bulls (as described by classic American author Ernest Hemingway) is described by the girls. They have invited Black Box Wine to support their attendance at next year’s running.
10) Polk County Rodeo. Betsy talks about the “total package” cowboy at the rodeo.
11) Emergency level. Dr. Jan describes her problem with the technical aspects of having a brain while recording podcasts. The girls reveal that they have tried to record up to 15 more episodes only to discover someone forgot to push record.
12) The acrylic nail debacle. Betsy describe her acrylic nail problem and the solution with industrial strength acetone that her father uses to remove paint from his airplane.
13) Calling the board. Dr. Jan advises Betsy that she’s been thinking of calling Chaz Hill, Dustbury Board of Education member, about Mad Eddie; but she thinks better of it when the girls discuss Dr. Jan’s problem with authority figures.
14) Black Box Wine. Dr. Jan talks about not having to make decisions about whether to have a screw off top or a cork and concludes that a box of wine is totally the answer. She sadly describes how the BBW folks of not responded to her email requesting sponsorship. Betsy thinks there a bunch of people at BBW mulling it over.
15) Ken Lay. The girls discuss the recent death of the Enron boss. Dr. Jan discusses the tragedy of public embarrassment and concludes that life’s short… and that’s a good thing.
16) Cameron’s new podcast. Joseph, Dr. Jan’s youngest, has entered a joke at LOL.
17) Happy trails to you. When will the girls learn to sing it?
Actually, the fourth episode is in the “raw” stages. Dr. Jan has requested Cameron to hire a producer. He’s not quite there yet. Stay tuned.
Betsy announced today that she will be returning to Dustbury on Saturday because JoBeth (her mom) has had all she can take of Betsy and her three young children. The Ugly Girls will celebrate with an original podcast within the next week.
Wonder what to wear when you convene your own Ugly Girls’ Club? Get Cameron’s Elvis sunglasses, a ballcap, and a tee-shirt. We are hoping to offer this to you real soon.
Dr. Jan is still majorly complaining about the technical aspects of being a podcast “star.”
Welcome to the Ugly Girls’ Club hosted by Dr. Jan and Betsy! This is episode #003, The Mosquito Ringtone Episode
In this podcast, tune in to hear Betsy and Dr. Jan discussing…
1) Missouri and Tennessee. Betsy is still in Bolivar, MO (much to Dr. Jan’s disdain) teaching graduate level education classes. Jan has just returned from a road trip to Chattanooga, Tennessee (a 14 hour one way drive with surly teens). They are both worn slick. They conclude that the two happiest minutes of their respective visits are: 1) the minute they arrive and 2) the minute they leave.
2) Mosquito Ringtone. The latest tech rage for teens is the mosquito ringtone; originally developed in England to annoy and chase away errant teens from businesses, the ringtone has become a hit with teens because only they can hear it (no adults, with faulty high pitch hearing, allowed). Check the ringtone out here: http://www.ringtonesgalore.co.uk/enhanced/animal-soundbites/mosquito/mobiletonescom/
3) Our favorite health club. The girls routinely work out (that’s their story and they are sticking with it) at the local Dustbury International House of Pancakes. Dr. Jan checks the internet to see if Cameron (in Australia) knows about the IHOP. The girls are appalled to find out that IHOP is only international in the USA and Canada.
4) The North Korean Missile Crisis. Dr. Jan decides that the North Koreans are wildly misunderstood. She believes they set off the missiles to celebrate the American Independence Day of July the 4th or concludes that the North Koreans are incompetent and totally lame.
5) The Rosarito Drug Cartel. Betsy warns about the drug cartel down in Rosarito Beach (Acupulco), Mexico. The girls decide to not visit the beach (as if).
6) Homer the Beagle. Betsy relates the shoe mystery story.
7) Swiffer. The girls discuss the tragedy of having to clean their parents’ homes during the visit; Dr. Jan extols the virtue of Swiffer cleaning systems.
8) Pat’s Pickles. Every year Dr. Jan makes a homemade batch of old fashioned sweet pickles. Here’s the recipe Jan was given 17 years ago in Darlington, SC by Mary:
1/2 bushel cucumbers (washed)
Day 1- Bring to boil 2 gallons of water and 4 cups of pickling salt. Pour over cucumbers. Let stand 24 hours. Day 2- Drain cucumbers. Bring to boil 2 gallons of water and 1 cup of Alum. Pour over cucumbers. Let stand 24 hours.
Day 3- Drain cucumbers. Bring to boil 2 gallons of water. Pour over cucumbers. Let stand 24 hours. Day 4- Drain cucumbers. Bring to boil 2 gallons of white vinegar and 1 box of pickling spice. Pour over cucumbers. Cover and let stand 9 days.
Slice cucumbers. Put cucumbers in layers in the “pickle container”, alternating a layer of cucumbers and a layer of sugar. Use 5 lbs. of sugar to gallon. Carefully stir pickle mixture each day until sugar melts. Once sugar is melted, place pickles and sugar in pickle jars and process through boiling water bath pickling process.
9) Joke of the day. Betsy tells a Bill Clinton joke that Dr. Jan totally doesn’t get; so she has to explain it.
10) Bye now. The girls sing Roy Rogers and Dale Evans’ song, “Happy Trails to You.”
So how do you get to be in the UGC? Well, you can come to Dustbury, Oklahoma and join in on the Saturday morning feasts; there really are very few rules: 1) You cannot wear any makeup or in any way contribute to your personal attractiveness prior to arriving at the IHOP when you wake up, 2) You must be interested in laughing, eating, and chatting.
That’s about it. You can, of course, start your own UGC at your own locale. Life can be sweet when you and your buds appreciate the glory of feasting with friends!
Forty-something gals! Download the Ugly Girls’ Club to take with you to your dreaded physical workout or just laugh out loud as you listen to their take on life; they will be your instant new friends.
